If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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