Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
