Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
