im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
