That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize