My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
