And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
