Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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