the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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