Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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