Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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