what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
