Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
