I want you more than these girls want KFC
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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