I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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