i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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