Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
