If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His nipple licking is glorious
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