DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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