i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
