And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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