You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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