Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize