she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nicole vs. Life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
