i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
