i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The air was thick with penises
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
