Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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