Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
