New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He has the fingertips of a God
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