We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
