Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
