so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
