: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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