i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
