Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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