Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
organizing the empties. That sober.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
