The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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