Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
