got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
