He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Can I color on your dick again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
