At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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