Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
