Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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