guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
