carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
