my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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