He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
