My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
