just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
