His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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