it hurts more in the daytime
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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