Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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