i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
