I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
