My nipple is on Facebook.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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