i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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