I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dignity is for republicans.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
