so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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