rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
