So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
