also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My pussy is not your playground.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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