I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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