highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
