Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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