Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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